Life Feeling Out of Control? Try the CIA Method.
People are complex. Therefore, I never use a “one size fits all” coaching method. However, in these increasingly uncertain times, the CIA Method is a go-to tool for most of my clients. People are feeling less and less in control of the environment, financial markets/cost of living, technology, health crises, politics and more. It is easy to feel powerless and overwhelmed, neither of which is beneficial. It is important and strategic to, instead, access the energy, creativity and motivation needed to find solutions.
Now is the time to regroup and make a plan, a plan based on what you can control and influence. You can learn to accept that which you have no control or influence over. Don’t waste valuable time. By moving forward, in realistic ways, you will create your most meaningful and long-lasting impact.
What Can You Do when Life Feels Out of Your Control?
Check out the CIA Method Weekly Planner here!
Understanding the CIA Approach
The CIA Approach simplifies challenges by breaking them into three distinct categories:
Control – situations which are directly under your control. Examples include your own behavior, responses, habits, decision-making power in the home or workplace, and personal choices.
Influence – conditions that you cannot directly control but can influence. Examples include workplace team or family dynamics, relationships, outreach, and ideas that you bring directly to those who can implement them.
Accept (for now) – circumstances outside of your control or influence that are best to simply accept, for the time being, until they are in the scope of your influence or control. Examples include world events, decisions made by other people, others’ beliefs or opinions of you, future outcomes and past events.
By focusing on the sphere of your own influence, you can cut out excessive worry and concentrate on an action plan. This is a win-win for both your mental health and productivity.
Mental Well-Being: Minimizing Cognitive Thought Distortions
Cognitive thought distortions are inaccurate or exaggerated patterns of thinking that negatively impact mental well-being. Examples include catastrophization and blame. These distortions fuel anxiety and stress because they focus on the inevitability of the problem instead of the solution.
Sue and Neil Thompson’s CIA Method actively replaces these distortions with systematic thought. Let’s take a look at the way in which the CIA Method can tackle catastrophization.
Catastrophization is the expectation that the worst will happen. This debilitating mindset keeps you from accessing the clarity, creativity and motivation needed to find solutions. The CIA Model bypasses rumination and distress, leading to a viable action plan. Let’s dive into the example of financial worry:
With rising prices, layoffs and nonstop news coverage of financial instability, it is easy to imagine looming financial disaster with a point of no return. We never know what will happen. Yes, it is wise to maximize financial resilience. No, it is not wise to stay paralyzed in a state of anxiety. The CIA Method helps you get unstuck.
Control: There are many ways to control your finances: for example, tightening your vacation or clothing budget, finding lower interest loans, canceling subscriptions, selling unused items, working a side hustle. Make a list of what you can do, along with flexible “due dates”.
Influence: Much can be within your sphere of influence. You might have a conversation with a life partner about spending habits. You could negotiate your phone and cable company rates. Finding someone to barter with can save money. Sharing social media posts or opinions at town halls are ways to spread cost-cutting ideas. Is there a way to convince a friend to move in with you to split day-to-day costs?
Accept: As for the other pieces, let them go. This doesn’t mean you don’t care or are giving up. Set periodic calendar reminders to revisit this list and assess what you can move into the control or influence column, when the time is right.
Another huge cause of anxiety and stress right now is the political climate. Losing sleep and steeping in anger or blame won’t result in change. To apply the CIA Method here, zoom in on what you can control in ways that are manageable. You have control over how to vote, what businesses or causes to support, ways to volunteer, and active ways to advocate for your beliefs or values. Put your energy here. There are many avenues of influence: social media, activism, healthy dialogue, contact with politicians or the media, boycotts. Knowing that you have a plan in place, let the rest go. Revisit your plan periodically and take care of your mental health. Worry weakens you. Thoughts don’t make change. Action does.
Through regular application of the CIA Method, in all areas of thinking, you can achieve a clearer, more present-minded state of mind, resulting in better decision-making and emotional health. By reducing stress, you are strengthening emotional resilience, the antidote to “life feeling out of control.”
Make Inner-Peace a Top Priority.
Develop Your Own “CIA Method Practice”.
Productivity: Preventing Fatigue, Brain Fog, and Overwhelm
Brain fog, mental fatigue, and lack of focus accompany feelings of powerlessness. They happen when your brain gets overloaded or stuck. The CIA Method enables you to clear your mind and invest mental energies judiciously.
Many clients seek out coaching because they are frustrated by higher level decisions that impact them at work. Or, they are overly concerned about what others think of them. Some feel powerless within a highly-structured hierarchy or stuck in terms of professional creativity or growth. The CIA Method works wonders here. You have much more control over your thought patterns, habits and career trajectory than you might think. You can strengthen your self-confidence and communication skills to influence outcomes. Or, you can choose to minimize thinking about your job outside of work. Lastly, you can consider an internal or external job search to find more of what you want and deserve.
The CIA Method combats mental fatigue. You sort tasks into what needs to be done immediately (Control), strategic effort (Influence), and acceptance (Accept). It is important to shift areas of Influence into the Accept column when you have tried to influence with no luck. Find an organized way to keep track of your lists. Feel free to download my CIA Method Weekly Planner in the resources library of my website.
The outcome? More clarity, better focus, more constructive outcomes, and enhanced productivity.
Teaching the CIA Approach To Children and Teens
The CIA Technique is especially useful for kids and teens who are dealing with school pressure, peer pressure, social media and technology overload. By teaching and modeling the CIA Method, you can help children develop emotional resilience early in life. Here are examples of charts you can help them brainstorm:
How to Help Kids Handle School Stress?
Control: study habits, time management, classroom behavior/participation, sleep and exercise
Influence: self-advocacy, study groups, requests for study materials or extensions, requests for parent involvement
Accept (for now): teacher personalities/levels of difficulty, school policies, low grades despite effort
How to Help Children Manage Friendships and Social Pressures?
Control: their own behavior, choice of activities, choice of friends, use of social media, self-confidence and respect, an understanding of when to get adults involved
Influence: discussion with friends about troubling issues or behavior, suggestion of alternative activities, resistance to peer-pressure, kindness
Accept (for now): other’s opinions of them, rejection, others’ preferences and interests
How to Help Children Navigate Social Media?
Control: screen time, what they share, virtual interactions, game choices, “follows”, self-confidence and respect
Influence: suggestion of alternative activities, online etiquette and kindness, positive posts
Accept (for now): unrealistic beauty standards, viral trends, others’ behaviors
How to Help Teens Prevent Technology Overload?
Control: restrictions on or locking up of devices, digital well-being tools, timers, focus time, journaling about tech use
Influence: persuading friends to embark on digital detoxes, suggesting in-person activities or “on-line movie watch parties”, expressing concerns regarding friends' overuse of technology, encouraging Body Positivity
Accept (for now): the addictiveness and pervasiveness of social media
With help from the CIA Method, young people can develop the self-confidence, clarity, and emotional balance needed to cope with the demands of this increasingly complicated world.
Let’s Do This!
The Control, Influence, Accept System is a mental wellness and productivity tool that generates clarity, resilience, and peace of mind. Now is the time to learn to sort out what you can control, what you can influence, and what you should accept in order prioritize that which will help you reach your goals. Next time you're getting flustered, breathe deeply and use the CIA Method. Make it a life-long practice. You will be grateful that you did!
Sources / Recommended Resources
Young, Kathleen. CIA Method Weekly Planner. Aurora Lights Coaching, 2025.
Moore, Dan. Control, Influence, Accept (For Now): Coping with a Future No One Can Predict. Southwestern Books, 2023.
Bright, Tim. "Leading Yourself and Others in a Crisis." OneWorld Consulting, 4 Apr. 2020, https://www.oneworldconsulting.com/owc-articles-db-alt.php?id=181&d=en.
Thompson, Neil, and Sue Thompson. The Social Work Companion. Routledge, 2015.
Meet Kathleen:
Kathleen Young, Founder of Aurora Lights Coaching, is a personal and academic coach. She loves supporting clients in getting unstuck through finding a purposeful energy that moves them forward.