Five Quick Tips for Parenting During Separation or Divorce
Divorce in and of itself is physically, mentally and emotionally overwhelming. Throw parenting into the mix, and it becomes even more imperative to approach this transition with great care. This short list of tips will help you narrow in on ways to make your child’s home(s) a healthier, happier place(s).
How to Help Your Child Through Your Divorce
Children need to stay “children” during a divorce.
It is important to create an intentional plan for how to help your child thrive during this confusing time of their life.
1. MINIMIZE negativity
Separation and divorce can be an exceptionally painful time. Thrive Global lists these in its Ten Most Stressful Life Events. Therefore, for both you and your children, it is important to bring positivity into your home. Fun movies, happy music, light, colorful clothes, funny toys. Get rid of objects that belong to you that make you sad in order to lighten up your space.
2. DON’T GO IT ALONE 👥
This is a time to reach out to supportive friends, family, support groups (in person or virtual), therapists and/or spiritual resources. Many professionals specialize in separation/divorce: coaches, mediators, financial experts. Tell your children’s school about what is happening, so it can be of support. Be sure to equip yourself well - it will pay off in the end!
3. PROTECT YOUR CHILD FROM “ADULTING” 💖
Finding support keeps you from relying on your children to care for you. Keep negative feelings about the other parent, financial matters and other decision making stressors in adult-only, impossible to overhear conversations. Your children don’t have the emotional development or skills to tackle the complexities of separation/divorce. They need space to process and heal.
4. CREATE A UNITED FRONT 🤝
When thinking of separation/divorce, the word “united” does not come to mind! However, remember that children see themselves in each parent. Speak highly of the other parent, use “we” and “our” when discussing family matters, and remember that everyone makes mistakes. Keep conversations positive and do not fight in front of them. One big tip when it comes to “consequences”, keep consequences within your parenting time hours - it gets too messy to expect the other parent to carry them out.
5. ALLOW FOR DIFFICULT EMOTIONS 😭😫
Expect and allow for difficult emotions. Don’t take them personally and know that this won’t go on forever. Recognition and processing of difficult emotions is a big step in your family’s healing!
Co-parenting
Keeping a united front, while minimizing negativity and “adulting” are two key ways to help you child feel loved during and after a divorce.
How to Co-Parent Effectively During and After Divorce
These are only some ways to parent effectively and lovingly during separation or during/after divorce. There are many additional resources on the web, books, and talks that can provide you with an ongoing supply of good ideas and support. You can’t know all the answers, so make it a habit to refuel with these in order to keep you and your family at your best during this very challenging time.
Coaching can help you navigate the challenges of co-parenting.
Kathleen Young is the Founder of Aurora Lights Coaching. She worked as an educator and mediator prior to coaching. She has facilitated webinars on co-parenting and healthy family communication. Now, Kathleen provides transformative coaching services to individuals, families and students.